It is February. Love is in the air...along with the moans and groans regarding the ridiculous amount of snow we have been covered with. Valentines Day is fast approaching, so the stores are glowing with red hearts, chocolate and fuzzy teddy bears. For some, this holiday is not very warm and fuzzy. Bad memories and fresh hurts mark the day...which is what all the chocolate is for, by the way. For others, it is a day of cuddling, celebrating and for most women, expectation. When no red velvet box of any kind or floral explosion occurs, we join the others, binging on chocolate for the following days of St Valentine aftermath.

I used to have high expectations. I think the surprise, candlelit lobster dinner he arranged on our first Valentines day kind of worked against him in the long run. Poor guy. He didn't know any better. You don't START that way...you work up to it. Little things at first, so the next year we aren't expecting so much. This summer will be our 20th year of wedded bliss. Bliss? How about fulfillment. Comfortable partnership, interspersed with episodes of passionate loathing and loving. Yes it's true, you really can feel the same intensity of disgust for someone as you do love. But it's all just feelings. Feelings come and feelings go. They are very deceiving. They don't really measure love and be sure, those feelings are often reciprocated. I really believe that the divorce rate is so high because people measure love on the "feelings" thermometer. It's understandable, but inaccurate.

I finally understand the true definition on love after so many years of fighting with an old one. The longer Guy and I are together, the stronger and more solid I experience the love. The "staying together" is the love. It can't grow if it ends. It can't grow if it isn't pruned, watered and fed with sunshine. It works opposite what Hollywood and our human nature tells us. Follow your heart and you will be heartbroken. Follow God's ironic truth and you will be "Surprised by Joy" as C.S. Lewis says. Good feelings FOLLOW right action, they don't lead you to them.

I admit, it take two, and it's a difficult battle when you are the only one trying to love properly. But giving up ends the possibility of watching God perform a miracle. He is in the business of resurecting things. He brings lifeless bodies back to life as well as lifeless, loveless relationships. Just because your love appears dead, and it may be, doesn't mean it's the end of the road. It may just be the beginning.

Do you believe in the almighty power of God? I'm being bold here. If you end your marriage, I suggest that you don't believe in this power. Or maybe you do, but you have decided to live for your happiness instead of God's glory. I was doing that. God stopped me and caused me to live for Him instead. Thank you for that, God. We all know the wedding vow verse:

Matthew 19:6 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

God is the only one with the right and ability to separate two that have become one. Men cannot and may not, according to God. He can, and in His sovereign wisdom sometimes He does, but WE may not...but we do...frequently...flipantly and with much damage...mostly to those around us, not just to us. I don't have to go on about how epidemic this divorce disease is. Everyone knows, but not many see the devastation of the plague. God offers the antecdote. He has the power. Your spouse might be bad, but no one is too bad for God to overpower.

I wouldn't be "preaching" this if I hadn't experienced it. Of course, you've probably guessed that Guy was the awful problem I had to live with for SO many dreaded years until God changed HIM ;) Not at all. We equally needed changing. We equally were touched by the mighty, gentle hand of the Healer. He can part the waters, but He asks us to step into the icy shallows first. Now to Him who is able...

Ephesians 3:20-21 "...to do exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

This Valentines Day, my expectaions are different. I expect to shower my best friend with all the love I have learned. I expect to try to make him understand how valued, respected and desirable he is to me. I expect he will do the same for me. I expect to buy him some Passion Flakies. He LOVES Passion Flakies. They quite accurately symbolize our marriage...I'm passionate and he's a flakie :)