Sleep in Heavenly Peace

It's 3:30 am. My eyes are faking sleep while my mind thinks it is time to get up. I guess my brain cannot see the huge red numbers on my bedside clock, reminding me of how tired I will be this afternoon. Change positions...bathroom break...a little more prayer...change positions...forget it...I'm getting up.

Thank goodness for books, internet, coffee and pretty tree lights in the dark. All quiet company for me in my involuntary earliness. I guess it's the season. The shopping lists and anticipation of events. I go over "important" things I might forget to buy or do, without even realizing I'm taking inventory. We forgeters do that. Fear of mistakes and blunders haunt me in the night. I'll dream of forgetting a homework assignment...but I'm not in school, or forgetting to take vital medication...but I'm not on any, forgetting my baby at the mall...but my babies are grown. Finally, forgetting to make sure I am fully dressed in a public place...but for those who know me...that's just funny. That one is a recurring nightmare of great humor once I realize it was just a dream.

So, what does it all mean Mr.Freud? Simply that I'm afraid of forgetting things and the consequences thereof. It does not have roots in my childhood, nor is it a manifestation of a former life as an elephant (they never forget). I just have this thing about being irresponsible. I'm sure it has something to do with the bad image it portrays, but also with not being able to let go and let God cover my blunders with His blanket of grace. If I make a mistake and someone is affected, then I am blamed! Oh my! I cannot be blamed! I cannot have a tarnished reputation, that would just make me...human. Fear of making mistakes, great or small, is completely irrational and pointless. Accepting and expecting personal blunders is a very healthy way of thinking. Not to "go on sinning so that God's grace may abound", but resting comfortably in the shadow of His protection.

What a relief it must have been on that first Christmas day. The protection and salvation of this fallen world had made itself known. With humility, patience and never ending sacrifice, Jesus started picking up our pieces. He kindly took the hand of the world and guided it through the mess it so naturally makes. Even when we were stubborn and self assured, He continues to shine the light for those who have eyes to see and ears to hear...all the way to the cross.

He did this so that we can rest. Rest from all the striving for perfection and acceptance. We can be free from fear of mistakes and consequences if we are willing to live in faith and obedience to Him. I am His, but I still lie awake at night sometimes, fretting about my performance in this life. He came to free me from that too. His kingdom has already come and I am in it. Right here in my little house, I have His fullness available to me.

"Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

I may not be able to fall asleep at my own command, but I can always rest...and that is what my body and soul needs. Sleep will finally offer itself, probably at about noon today, when lunch needs to be made, or when I'm driving to town with a van full of kids. Christmas is largely about being given the opportunity to rest in Christ. May we not miss the point and let ourselves stress and lose sleep over the celebration.

Take all of your medication, do a wardrobe check and count your children...then relax :)